Help! I don’t know how to get married!
Help! I don’t know how to get married!
Provided by Sophie Wilcockson, independent celebrant
www.swceremonies.co.uk
Last week I got an email from a friend asking for my advice. The email began: “I’ve just started my wedding planning and I’ve realised I’ve got no idea how to get married!”
This is something I hear a lot at wedding fairs and on online wedding forums too. Once the excitement of being engaged has died down, you suddenly feel like you’re taking on a project management job that makes building a skyscraper seem like organising a trip to the shops. Where do you even start?
Well, firstly take a deep breath. If you haven’t been married before, why should you know what to do? I get that it can seem overwhelming at first – there’s a lot of information out there and everybody’s got an opinion on your big day! But don’t panic! I’ve put together a simple step-by-step guide to getting married in the UK that tells you everything you need to do – and everything you don’t – from legal requirements for marriage to creating your perfect personalised wedding ceremony.
This guide is for couples who are planning a civil (non-religious) ceremony. Weddings in churches or other religious buildings have their own rules and procedures – check with the minister or person in charge of marriages at your chosen venue for details. I’ve used Manchester as my example for this blog, as that’s where I do a lot of my work, but each local council is different so check their the marriage section of their website for specifics.
So, for those going down the civil wedding route, let’s dive in…
- Decide who you want to lead your ceremony on the day
Most couples rush straight to finding a venue but, actually, the first thing you should think about is who is going to be conducting your wedding ceremony. A lot of people don’t realise there is a choice here – including a lot of people who run wedding venues. This decision is really important as it has a big impact on what your ceremony can include and where and when you can have it.
To help you decide, you need to look at marriage as being made up of two parts – the legal bit and the ceremonial bit. The two parts can be done together but they don’t have to be. Think of it like this: when you have a baby, you go to the register office and register the birth then, some weeks or months later, you have your christening or naming ceremony. Same when someone dies: you register the death first then the funeral is some time later. We don’t worry about the legal bit taking place on the same day as the ceremonial bit in these circumstances – so why do we have to do it for weddings? The answer is, we don’t.
So, who do you choose to conduct your wedding ceremony? Your options are:
- A registrar – an employee of the council who can conduct a legally binding civil marriage ceremony on the day
- A celebrant – an independent professional who carries out a personalised wedding ceremony either before or after the legal paperwork is completed
Having a registrar is often the default option, but it isn’t the only option. See my previous blog post for a comparison of the two. Don’t let a venue push you into booking a registrar-led ceremony; if you’ve got your heart set on a celebrant, you only need a registrar to complete the legal side (see Step 4).
- Book your venue. This is really important because you can’t get started on the legal stuff without a confirmed venue. Plus, popular venues get booked up super early, particularly on Saturdays. If you choose to use a registrar, you can have your ceremony in the register office itself or at a venue that is approved and licensed by the council for weddings (your local register office will have a list). If you choose to have a celebrant-led ceremony, you can do it pretty much anywhere, no license required.
- Give notice at your local register office. It’s boring and very unromantic, I know, but there is some essential legal stuff that you need to do before you can tie the knot. Giving notice is an important step that confirms your intent to marry and ensures both parties meet the legal criteria. You need to submit your notice at least 28 days before your wedding date. Even if you’re getting married outside your local area, you still need to give notice at the register office where at least one of you lives. You’ll need to provide proof of identity and address, along with additional documents such as divorce decrees or death certificates, if applicable.
- Book a registrar. Whoever you choose to conduct your wedding ceremony on the day, you still need to contact your local register office and book an appointment with a registrar as, currently, they are the only people allowed to legally register a marriage. Your options here are:
Standard or “2+2” ceremony – couple and two witnesses only, no guests. This is a quick, cheap, no frills ceremony at the register office, where you confirm your legal commitment to each other and sign the necessary documentation. This is the option for couples who want a personalised wedding ceremony with a celebrant. You can do this part before or after your big day – but get in quick as there is usually limited availability for this type of ceremony (hmmm… it’s almost as if councils don’t want you to use a celebrant…)
Enhanced ceremony – this is a legal wedding ceremony with guests at the register office. The price for this varies depending on the day of the week (Saturdays being dearer, obviously) and also if the register office has different sized rooms accommodating more guests.
External ceremony – this is a legal wedding ceremony with guests conducted by a registrar at a venue licensed for weddings. This is the most expensive option and, again, goes up if you want a Saturday wedding.
Registrars have set times for wedding ceremonies, usually 10am, 12pm, 2pm or 4pm. As you might expect, the 2pm slots get booked up quickly so, if you’re set on 2pm, you might need to be flexible on your date.
- Book your celebrant (if you’re having one, if not go right to no.6)
A celebrant gives you a lot more freedom to personalise your ceremony. You can incorporate religious, non-religious and spiritual/symbolic elements if you want them, and, as the legal bit is done elsewhere, your venue doesn’t have to be licensed by the council for weddings – think gardens, beaches or your favourite café or pub! If you’ve made the excellent choice to have a celebrant deliver your ceremony, book them at the same time as the registrar as good celebrants also get booked up fast. They will arrange a time to meet you and start the process of getting to know you and crafting your bespoke wedding ceremony.
- Book your other wedding vendors
Once all the legal stuff is out of the way, you can focus on organising the other things that will make your big day memorable – from photographers to entertainment to table favours. Recommendations from other couples are always the best but wedding fairs are also great for ideas and for meeting vendors – and usually grabbing a freebie or two!
Sophie Wilcockson Ceremonies
Tel: 07894 560206
Email: sophie@swceremonies.co.uk
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